


things to keep in mind when loving Boyd Beaulieu

by lethargicawe



Category: In the Company of Shadows - Sonny & Ais
Genre: Boyd Centric, Character Study, Fluff, M/M, Relationship Study, Second person POV, i guess, this is basically just me being a soft bitch
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-04
Updated: 2019-08-04
Packaged: 2020-07-30 17:35:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,560
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20101030
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lethargicawe/pseuds/lethargicawe
Summary: The mental list that Hsin makes throughout his relationship with Boyd.





	things to keep in mind when loving Boyd Beaulieu

**Author's Note:**

> inspired by [this](https://archiveofourown.org/works/1822084) & [this](https://archiveofourown.org/works/7327153)

_He always smells like Jasmine._

It’s probably because of all the tea he drinks, or the shampoo he buys from that hole-in-the-wall store. Or maybe it really is that witches cursed him from birth to smell desirable all the time like he likes to tell you. 

But, for whatever reason, he always leaves behind the smell of jasmine on everything. His pillow, your sheets, any sweatshirt or shirt or article of clothing he can get his hands on. He even once returned a book with that signature scent, which you later realized was because he left a teabag in between the pages, right under where he underlined 3 words in pencil. I love you.

But for all the shit you give him, you secretly love it. And of course, he knows. He buys everything jasmine scented and then will leave it at your apartment like little stowaways. He smiles that mischievous grin every time you find something. You roll your eyes and act annoyed, but late at night when you wake up panting in a cold sweat, you bury your head in his neck, and when you breath in the sweetness, the darkness in your head recedes.

_He likes to sleep late._

Or, more accurately, he likes it when you sleep late with him. 

You're used to living on a few hours of sleep, and on your own you would be out of bed by seven at the latest, but he doesn't roll out of bed until nine or ten at least. Your first instinct is to leave him to sleep and do something useful, read or work out or pace around the living room, but experience teaches you to stay, and watch him sleep. It's nice, you realize. There's nothing you have to do, so you can just relax and enjoy being near him. 

He doesn't talk in his sleep, like you do, but he does make faces sometimes, and you wonder what he's dreaming. 

When he wakes, it's a gentle slide into consciousness. He sighs contentedly and peeks his eyes through his eyelashes. The first thing he sees is you, you, always you, and he smiles that 1,000 suns smile.

Usually, it ends with you and him starting the morning out right, but even without that, it would be worth it to see the genuine smile light up his face when he sees you.

_He has a hard time believing you could really want him._

Old habits die hard. Insecurities even harder. He’s come much farther from where you started, but he still doesn't always believe that this isn't a dream. That you and him aren't a pair born from convenience, that you aren't only with him because there's no one else. Try not to be offended by that. You know he doesn't mean if maliciously. You know where the fear comes from, and you know that he battles against it every day.

So help him. Remind him that you care, however you can. Wake him up in the morning with a kiss on his cheek, even though you know he'll stay in bed for another hour. Call him beautiful often, so he never has a chance to doubt it. Find him in a crowd, because you know he's the only one you really want to be around. Make sure to buy his favorite brand of tea even though they only carry it at the store across town. Pull him out of his head when he needs it, and comfort him when he gets stressed. Tell him when you're thinking about him, and tell him what you're thinking. Hold his hand at a party and whisper in his ear what you want to do later. Tell him when you miss him. Call him during the day to say you're bored and want to talk about books. Tell him that you love him, and mean it.

_He doesn’t like to admit when he needs help._

Self-reliance has always been his biggest priority, and he isn’t used to being vulnerable with other people without it ending in him getting hurt. He needs someone to lose his walls with. To count on. To trust. To love. Be that for him.

When his eyes are dark and his face is pale and he wakes up each night screaming, don't take it personally if he shies away from your touch. Don't take it personally when he avoids your stare and turns away your concern. Understand how little he's been given in his life; understand how quickly what he's had has been taken away, and show him you're different. Show him that even staring his demons in the face, you won't go anywhere. 

And listen to him, even though he has a hard time admitting he needs help, he will eventually. Don't ignore it.

_He has a hard time talking about his past._

Don't push him. Make him feel safe, and he'll say what he needs to with time.

_He avoids hard things._

With that said, avoidance has always been his policy when it comes to his problems. Sometimes, he needs a nudge in the right direction. 

_He needs someone to be weak with._

He always feels the pressure to perform, to be someone stronger, better than what he really is. He needs a place to let that all go, to let himself be without judgement. You know he won't admit it, but he needs to be taken care of. Hold him up when he can't. Run your hands through his hair and tell him he'll be okay, that you're there, that you aren't leaving. You know he'll do the same for you.

_He loves hearing your heartbeat._

You've had too many close calls over the years. 

Both of you, really, but he's come close to losing you too many times. You know the thought scares him, you can tell by the way he looks at you sometimes, late at night tracing your scars while you lie together. 

It's not hard to tell that the silence is a different kind than his usual. Sometimes you wonder how he carries all that despair behind his eyes. You wish you could reach inside him, and take even just a fraction of his sadness. You wish you could say something to comfort him, that you aren't going to leave and nothing is going to happen to either of you. But his fears aren't unfounded ones, and you can't actually promise him that.

So, you do the one thing you can. You pull him on top of you, pillowing his head on your chest so he can be lulled to sleep by the comforting rhythm of your heart. 

You can't promise tomorrow, but you can promise today, right here, right now. 

_He doesn't like sweet things._

It's another strange thing to file away in the folder of Beaulieu weirdness. He doesn't like sweet things. You would have found it annoying, had it been anyone else, but it was him. And you loved the way his nose scrunched up when he stole a taste of your milkshake or slice of cake. 

When you asked him why, he told you that it was because he was already plenty sweet, and anymore sweetness was too much. Aren't I sweet enough? He would ask you, and you would roll your eyes. Until he would lean in and ask you if he tasted sweet.

After that, you have to concede. 

_He needs you._

It's easy to forget, sometimes. He’s so strong and self-sufficient and you’re, you. You never had a very normal life, and you have no idea how to possibly act now. If anything, it would be you who always needed him. Needed him for comfort, needed him to bail you out, needed him to make faces at during meetings, needed him to balance you out.

But he reminds you. After a hard week, he’ll show up at your apartment and climb into your bed without pretense. The two of you will lay there for as long as he needs 

_He loves to have his hair braided._

He has the nicest hair. It's soft and silky and beautiful. You know he loves it when you run your fingers through it, and one night, you are sitting on the couch together, and he asks you to braid it.

You agree immediately, despite not knowing how, and you have a quick pop lesson on braiding hair. You braid in silence for a while, taking care to do and redo the plaits until they are perfect. After a while, he quietly tells you about how his father used to braid his hair when he was a kid. You listen without comment, and when he finishes, you keep braiding, making an effort to be even more gentle than before.

He's quiet for awhile, and you aren't sure why until he lets out a small breathy moan. Hsin, he says, in the softest voice ever, and you feel like glass, just seconds away from breaking under the weight of the words on your tongue. You love him more than you've ever loved anyone, anything. 

You aren't sure if you believe in soulmates, but if you did, he's it.

You aren't exactly sure how to tell him that, so you just keep braiding his hair.

_He loves you too._

And no matter what, you’ll always have that.

**Author's Note:**

> i hope you enjoyed! you can talk to me at vegaulieu.tumblr.com ! hopefully i will be posting more icos fic soon <3


End file.
